Hi everybody I know it looks like as only I could moaning of me, eh? I just tried to write down my thoughts here.. after that I wont typing any bad news here anymore…

Well yesterday at 19:30 pm o'clock it happened... my mother done her last breath...

It was a normal evening... like every Sunday I planned to meet my mother at the nursing home. A hour ago a call reached me ... my aunt was is.. "You should come earlier something is wrong with your mother"... I had no bad minds in my head I just told my brother to go earlier..

Okay.. nothing bad my first though.. I reached the nursing home like always and gave a talk to her. I knew since months she had cancer but I had no idea HOW bad it already was... also the doctors seems to lie at me a little bit...

Her voice was a little bit weak and pitched but maybe I was too ignorant to notice it..
She asked for tea like every time when me and my brother met her.. I was wondering that she was asking both of us at those moment.. well she had her vices.. She was talking about that she saw a men in front of the window (she was for weeks talking about wired things .. I though maybe bcause of her medicine )My brother was searching for a teapot and I was going to clean her old one…

Then it happens… the nurse running across the corner with the breeze on her lips
“It’s over..!!” I though I was dreaming, dreaming a evil horror movie … I hurried to the room of her

and


I… was too late

I touched her hand.. her cold hand.. she sheems to be already dead for alots of minutes… I mean its unusual for a human to have such a cold body in this short time… She had no pain but the doctor told me she gots already a lot of painkillers…

She seems just she waited as everybody left the room..

She was a friendly, sweet and such a good person. She got since me and my brother was born a sickness called “multiple sclerosis”. She had no much happy moments in her live and ago her husband died already because of cancer… also asleep in his own bed…

I feel myself so sick and somehow guilty … she was begging of us that she doesn’t want to go to a nursery home…

This for you mother.. your boths sons loves you and tell you with that I’m sorry… we already aduld (or maybe not ?) but would happy that you could stay for more years now.

Goodbye! *hugs*

And this is for every friend of me.. that you for your help which you get me already and thank you I know I hurt you. Forgive me!